classless

While watching the BYU vs Utah game I had a grand epiphany. Put your symbolism cap on, and walk with me as I explain a strange phenomena that occurs within our body every waking day. Blood... takes up 5-6 pints of our bodies; when blood is protected inside the body it takes on a blueish color. However, when blood is contaminated it turns red. This is a very important concept, that I felt inclined to share. Go cougars.

I am a proud owner of a license that reads "D" for donor. I don't mind donating my organs and blood, I just wish I could just choose who the receptor would be. Selective donating would be the new term, and millions of anxious 15 year olds will dream of the day when they receive their own copy of an SD drivers license.

Why does my name appear as "Korean" when I text it?

During freshman year, I would shy away from the opportunity in attending my freshman ward. Consequently, the more weekends I spend down here, the more I regret that decision. My Sundays here have been nothing but a treat, literally! Today I had what I like to call, "Monkey in a barrel" sacrament. This event occurs when you reach for the bread and not one, but two pieces of bread are clinging onto each other! Ahhh, the blessings of obedience... Maybe you didn't realize the many technical terms allotted to the sacrament. Let me share another one, at home, I'm what deacons call a "gold digging member." When the bread reaches me, I pause, pull out my glasses, and search among the thousand graneul pieces of bread. This process continues until I find the largest piece of bread that will satisfy my ongoing fast, very rewarding if I do say so myself. Please share some of your own techniques!

Simon would not be pleased

You would think that hot girls did everything hot, well think again. This Sunday this chick got up to sing a hymn, based on her makeup and curly hair I knew this would be a spiritually packed song, and maybe, just maybe, I'd get a personal directed revelation to marry her. All eyes were on her, even the bishop woke up to hear this daughter of God serenade us. The ivories were plucking away, my knee was shacking to the rhythm, we were more than ready to hear, no learn, from her song! Then her mouth opened, lets just say that a flock of pubescent boys would have sounded more appealing. It was bad, I tried to smile and bear the sound, but after the first verse I was ready to bolt for the door. The only thing that was stopping me was the fact that I had to give the closing prayer. Dissonant note after dissonant note echoed throughout the Marb; I prayed for the spirit to come back and everyone concurred with a loud "AMEN!". The only revelation that I received in sacrament meeting was that Simon Cowell would not be pleased.

Are these sugar free?

On Friday I went to Cafe Rio for lunch, after a healthy pork burrito I went to grab a handful of the complimentary mints. Suffering from many past cavities, I decided to approach the mints with a safer outlook; I got one of the workers attention and asked, "Hey, are these sugar free?" I guess she misunderstood me over the "free meal" chant, because she responded, "aw, sugar? ya sugar, take a handfull!" I didn't call her sugar...

"drip drip drip, goes the water..." Chumbawamba

During lunch me and my roommate pass all of the standard BYU channels to watch the evangelist on channel 20, the worst part is passing the BYU devotionals to get to it.

My parents used to let me listen to Lady Gaga, then my dad found urban dictionary on the internet and said I couldn't listen to her music anymore, RIP Gaga.

A Moose broke our toilet this weekend, let me explain....Sunday morning I woke up for another eventful Sabbath, when water started seeping up my socks. Judging between the newly formed stalactites on the ceiling, I realized there must have been a problem with our upstairs neighbors. Three hours later at church, we were asked to pray for our fellow ward member named "Moose" who slipped, hit the toilet, and not only broke a bone, but also broke the toilet in the process. I just hope that the water dripping on me was clean.

The hardest task man has ever faced is making a shot into a garbage can. Tearing up a piece of paper, wading it up, and throwing it into a waste basket three feet in front of you is nearly impossible! if you are thinking "no its not" I dare you to try on the nearest can near you. I'm not there, but I already know you missed. The misery does not end there, the follow up after the "air ball" has to be the worst part. Pushing your seat back, picking up the paper (that has now exploded all over the ground) and feeling the cold stares of many disappointed people is a self-esteem wrecker. However, the next time you have garbage to throw, you are confident as ever that you will make it this time.

I don't like tic-tacs, every time I eat them I feel anorexic.

Genesis 1:1

I thought Blogs were for girls, old people and married couples. I am neither. I also feel like I’m starring in that movie that just came out, “Julie and Julia”- who knows maybe I’ll strike gold with my blog, make a book or a movie out of it, I don’t know what it would be rated though.

“Hey are you in Provo? Smile”

“Who is this?”

“Oh…um its (name withheld) from stdev last semester”

“Oh, ha I’m not in Provo actually”

“Okay then, have a happy new year! You can delete my number again now. Smile”

That was just about as exciting as my New Years got.

Then there’s this other girl, let’s call her Lizzy (even though that is her real name). One of my roommates decided that he would go against everything I believe in and set me up on a blind date. Dating isn’t against my rules, blind dates are. She texts me, sends pictures of her and is actually related to a famous Mormon, But she also dated my roommate who has wears shirts that says, “Babe magnet”… so now what. How do you get out of a blind date?

I never believed in “Karma” until college started. Each semester I am assigned to live with a different roommate. Freshman year, my first roommate got braces so he wouldn’t have to go on his mission, my second roommate played Sudoku and the ocarina instead of attending his classes. This year I actually lucked out though, no Zelda instruments or violent sleep talking… however I can hear his personal prayers, should I tell him, or should I answer them?

I saved a person’s life today. I went into the library to use the Video Phone, but there was a deaf kid sitting there, asleep. I wondered if I should throw paper at him or nudge his arm, when all of a sudden the fire alarm starts blaring in my ear, not his because he’s deaf. I wondered if I should wake him up, or let him burn for hogging the Video Phone. I decided to give him one strike, and woke him up to tell him that the fire alarm was blaring and he would have three degree burns all over his body if he didn’t act now. We left, ventured out into safety within minutes, and walked away more appreciative for the sanctity of our lives. Even though it was only a drill, I don’t think the deaf kid knew that, so it still counts as a purple heart.